Waterloo Blockchain
ANALYST
Where I explain to people, with charts, that 'HODL' is actually a sophisticated stochastic process and not just a typo someone refused to fix in 2013.
QUANTITATIVE ANALYST / CONSIGNMENT CONNOISSEUR
Training models
and hunting grails.
98%Model accuracy on predicting designer drops
0Designer drops actually secured in time
∞Used hoodies reclassified as capital expenditure
01 / BIO
Honours Data Science at Laurier by day, figuring out if I can mint my student debt as an NFT by night.
I once tried to build a neural network to predict when The RealReal would drop a “Good” condition Margiela jacket. It reached 98% accuracy, but I still missed the drop. The model was fine. My notification settings were the alpha leak.
These days I analyze on-chain markets for Waterloo Blockchain, study finance so I can keep a straight face during my own spending, and maintain a watchlist that is 60% equities and 40% consignment listings I will absolutely not be buying. Probably.
Waterloo BlockchainWLU '26ex-MedboxRisk-neutral (allegedly)
02 / SELECTED WORK
PAST PERFORMANCE IS NOT INDICATIVEMedbox
MEDICAL TECH
My time in the medical tech world, or as I like to call it, 'Proof of Health.' Shipped real software for real patients. No, you cannot stake your bloodwork.
The BetVictor Leaderboard Incident
CAUTIONARY TALE
A data-driven study of how my 'risk-neutral' betting strategy produced a very non-neutral bank account. The leaderboard email arrived. The funds did not.
03 / THE INCIDENT
Bankroll vs. confidence, normalized to a starting index of 100. A live demonstration that “risk-neutral” is a feeling, not a strategy.
100
WK 1
122
WK 2
141
WK 3
88
WK 4
47
WK 5
12
WK 6
4
WK 7
// FINDING: the Sharpe ratio was negative. The drip was not.
04 / THE STACK
Python
FLUENTFor scraping designer sales faster than I can afford them.
Solidity
PROFICIENTFor writing smart contracts that still can't find me a girlfriend.
Finance
WEAPONIZEDFor justifying why a $400 used hoodie is a 'capital expenditure.'
SQL
FLUENTSELECT * FROM regrets WHERE category = 'consignment';
On-chain analytics
DAILY DRIVERReading mempools the way other people read horoscopes.
Restraint
0XNULLModule failed to compile. See: The Incident.